(1) When your star tight end asks for a trade so he can have a chance at a Super Bowl and it does not happen, the headline on your newspaper’s website says that the tight end’s teammates felt bad for him not being traded. As in this story, which leads with “Chiefs Players Feel For Gonzalez.”
(2) Just below the story about your star tight end, there’s the “question of the week” regarding your team’s quarterback. And here’s exactly how that question reads: “When Brodie Croyle returns to the lineup on Oct. 19 against Tennessee, how long before he suffers an injury that will sideline him again?” Notice, the question is not “if” he will get injured, but “when.” The poll had 53% of voters saying the first game back, while 9% lied to themselves and voted that he would stay healthy. At least they are assuming he will be sidelined due to injury and not poor play.
(3) Herm Edwards is your head coach.
After the Dodgers-Phillies playoff game last night, there was an interview on SportsCenter of Russell Martin. Not only is Martin the catcher for the Dodgers. And not only did Martin score a run in the team’s 7-2 win. But Martin also introduced a new word into our lexicon. Aggressivity. What a word! Thanks, Russell.
We recently learned that the NFL has fined Minnesota defensive back Antoine Winfield $10,000 for an excessive celebration following his return of a blocked punt in Monday Night’s game against the Saints. The celebration in question involved Winfield running directly to the goal post, jumping up and wrapping his legs around the padding, and sliding to the turf. “Logically,” if Winfield had jumped into the crowd in celebration, that would have been considered a “Lambeau Leap” and deserved no fine.
Commissioner Goodell has remained silent as to whether the goal post will be removed from the Superdome for its part in the celebration.
With the NHL season right around the corner - at least we think it might be - and with the tremendous response we got on our NHL preview last season, we decided we would deliver to you our 2nd Annual NHL Preview! Read and enjoy all the we know about the NHL…
Last night in the Monday Night Football game, the entire country got to witness the football genius that is Brad Childress. And no, we are not being sarcastic when we say that. The man knows football more than one could ever imagine.
With his team up 20-10 late in the 3rd quarter, Childress looked over his defense. They were worn out, tired - in short, the defense needed a rest. The offense had just concluded another short 3 and out and the defense would be back on the field in seconds. When Vikings punter Chris Kluwe looked to Childress for the call, the coach likely told him: not too high on the punt, try to keep it in the middle of the field where Bush can get it. That he did, and Reggie Bush returned the punt 71 yards for a touchdown.
Some fans sitting near the Vikings bench claim to have seen Jared Allen, a star of the Vikes defense, walk up and whisper “Thanks, coach” into the ear of Childress just after the punt return. But then, after another quick 3 plays from the Vikes offense, Childress did not flinch. His defense still had not had enough time to rest! Kluwe punts straight to Bush once again, though Bush does not cooperate. Perhaps Reggie was on to Childress’ plan, as he tripped over his own feet as he neared open field down the sidelines.
With a 20-17 lead, Childress’ hunch was correct. His defense allowed 14 yards, then a game-tying field goal on that drive to start the 4th quarter. With the score tied now and his Vikes running another quick 3 plays and out, Childress again looked to his defensive unit. One guy with the oxygen, another guy sweating through his jersey. We assume he told his punter, “Not another fiasco like last time. Do you see this defense? They’re exhausted! I need a line drive from you, and I need it now!” Apparently, Kluwe asked if Childress wanted him to kick it out of bounds, because fans near the bench tell us they saw Childress slap Kluwe in the helmet.
Of course, Kluwe’s line drive punt was returned by Bush 64 yards for a touchdown to give the Saints a 27-20 lead. All part of Childress’ mast plan. After the Vikings manged an amazing scoring drive on the next series, the rested defense held the Saints to a 46-yard field goal try, which was missed by Grammatica. Then Minnesota finished the immaculate game plan off by kicking a field goal to win the game with only a few seconds remaining.
“We know that the way you beat the Saints is to keep their offense off the field,” Childress told our inside source. “And I think from the end of the 3rd quarter on, we did that to perfection.”
After managing to score only 12 points this week against Cleveland, the news out of Middleton, a suburb of Cincinnati, is that the Bengals have recently signed unknown Michelle Allen to a 10-day contract. Bengals’ owner Mike Brown said of the acquisition, “Ms. Allen just really fits the character profile of our team after her recent newsworthy incident. Once we heard of what went down, we knew she could add some utter explosiveness to this squad.” Not surprisingly, head coach Marvin Lewis was unavailable for comment. The specific terms of the contract have not been released.
We love the movie Office Space. How can you not? And the performance at the end of the half this past weekend by the now-fired Lane Kiffin screamed Office Space! to us. So, the main character in Office Space, Peter Gibbons, gets hypnotized and never gets snapped out of it. He starts to not worry about keeping his job at Initech, and basically lives his life the way he wants to - circumstances be damned. In carrying out this lifestyle, there’s a great montage where he knocks down a wall of his cubicle so he can see out the window and comes into work mid-day only so he can clean a fish on his desk.
Well, this past Sunday, we’re pretty sure Lane Kiffin was cleaning the proverbial fish on his proverbial desk. Up 15-0at home on the Chargers, Kiffin’s team had the ball at their own 36 with about 30 seconds left. JeMarcus Russell completes a pass over the middle for 6 yards to the 42. The Raiders have one timeout left, but Kiffin holds on to it. He doesn’t urge his team to get up to the line and run one more quick play either. Of course, everyone assumes, then, he will let the clock run out and be happy with a 15-point lead.
Then, with 1 second left, Kiffin calls timeout. OK, fine - it’s well known how strong Russell’s arm is. On last Hail Mary heave, right? This is about the time when Lane Kiffin brings in the wet, slimy trout on his desk and pulls out the filet knife. Kiffin sends out the field goal unit so Sebastian Janikowski can attempt a 76 yard field goal. That’s right, 76 yards. The longest made in the NFL ever is 63. Even Kim Jung-Il has never claimed to have made a 76-yard field goal.
Janikowski’s kick comes up woefully shirt, not even reaching the goal line. Of course, then the Raiders have to try to tackle Antonio Cromartie, who last season ran back a failed long field goal attempt for a touchdown. They did manage to keep Cromartie out of the end zone (it would have been awesome if Kiffin ran out to make the tackle!).
Click here to watch those final 20 seconds.
We can only imagine that Al Davis sat up in his box, watching Janikowski trot onto the field, and said, “Ummmmm, yeah, I’m gonna need us to tell Lane not to come in this week, mmmmm-kay?”
Unfortunately for Kiffin, it looks like this week Al Davis had a case of the Mondays. If only he had worn more flare!
While we know we’re supposed to complain on this site, sometimes a writer impresses us enough to give him the ol’ tip of the cap. Usually it’s Dan Wetzel. But this time around, it’s Minneapolis Star Tribune writer Jim Souhan.
In the press conference following the game, Minnesota Vikings’ coach Brad Childress made the following statement: “We talked about George Orwell and the field full of diamonds. That the diamonds were right here in the room, a guy didn’t have to sell his farm and go to a foreign land to look for diamonds when they were right there in the stream in his back yard. It took George Orwell to write that. I’m sure you could look that up.”
And guess what Souhan did? He took a journey that very few journalists these days take - he actually researched the quote. Then discovered that Childress was full of crap. (Souhan did not spend as much time as we would have trying to figure out what the hell that quote means to a football team anyway.)
Great work, Jim Souhan. Not only did you take that extra step that sports writers often neglect, but you were paid off getting to0 call out Childress for lying his butt off.
We recommend clicking here to read the entirety of what Souhan had to say. Good stuff!