After reading this article about Missy Chase Lapine suing Jerry Seinfeld and his wife, we contacted Jerry’s other lawyer, Jackie Chiles, for comment. Here’s what Chiles had to say…
“This lawsuit is outrageous, egregious, atrocious, frivolous, unacceptable.”
***For more info on Mr. Chiles’ and his practice, check here.
And it’s time. Last year, Mike Nifong took home the honor of No. 1 Bum of the Year. We will spare Nifong this time around. But who will get the top honor? Read on and find out.
Top 10 Bums of 2007 Read the rest of this entry »
Porn star Mary Carey, who rose to fame in her gubernatorial campaign against Arnold Schwarzenegger, is keeping it real by auctioning off her fake breast implants. Yes, she is auctioning off her recently removed and autographed fake breasts. Now, don’t get us wrong, we are all for supporting charities, such as the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation which is apparently going to be the recipient, BUT what kind of precedent is this “act” of generosity going to set? Also, isn’t a little ironic for a perfectly healthy breasted woman to intentionally be reducing or removing her breasts in order to support a cause for which many women involuntarily lose their own? Isn’t that a little demeaning, or at least braggadocios? That reminds me of one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg, RIP, one liners:
It’s very dangerous to wave to people you don’t know because what if they don’t have a hand? They’ll think you’re cocky. Look what I have. This thing is useful. I’m gonna go pick something up.
Similarly, it’s also very dangerous to presume breast cancer sufferers want porn stars to voluntarily remove their fake breasts, sign them and then auction them off all in the guise of supporting that charity. Whatever happened to volunteering your time???
And now, if you don’t mind, we will step off our soapbox so we can go get our wallets.
In an effort to add a little levity to his press conference following a 104-59 loss to the Celtics , Knicks coach Isiah Thomas employed some cartoon help.
After delivering the following line about his team - “We take two steps forward and one giant step back” - MC Skat Cat magically appeared out of nowhere to chime in with, “We go together ‘cuz opposites attract.”
Guess where we’re going to dinner tonight? Yep… Olive Garden! Finally, one of those awful Olive Garden commercials really hit home with us. We were watching Game 4 of the World Series and a new Olive Garden commercial came on during one of the last commercial breaks.
The commercial showed a few families sitting at the table in the restaurant and a lady at the table was doing the voice-over. She starts the commercials by saying, “We started a tradition where we get together for dinner with friends.”
When we heard that, we all stopped what we were doing immediately and looked at each other. What a great freakin’ idea! We were blown away. Dinner? With friends? What the hell! Why had we not thought of this before?
So we decided to start a similar tradition. We like to eat. And we like to hang out with friends. We just can’t believe we had never thought of combining the two. What a concept!
We hope the brains behind that Olive Garden commercial get a raise. We can say with certainty that those ad writers are directly responsible for at least an extra $60 being spent at an Olive Garden tonight.
And now we would like to officially ask The Masters to step aside, there is a new tradition that’s unlike any other!
Before heading into the weekend, we must take note of some significant activities that have been going on around the world over the past week. Namely, the fact that this has been an unprecedented week for stories about wild animals doing truly absurd things. Seriously, folks, the following three stories could easily make up an hour-long show on FOX some Friday during the summer.
And did we say we feel certain having 3 of these stories in one week is without precedent? Here they are…
(1) On Sunday, it was reported that a gang of Rhesus macaques in New Delhi attacked the deputy mayor, who then fell off his balcony to his death. Check here for the full story.
(2) On Tuesday, it was reported that six wild elephants in Gauhati, India, were electrocuted after getting drunk from taking down large quantities of rice beer being brewed in the village. Check here for that full story.
(3) And finally, on Thursday, it was reported that some wild monkeys in Kenya have been making lewd gestures towards women. In fact, the women have now often begun dressing as men so as to avoid the harassment from the monkeys. Check here if you don’t believe us.
This is truly an amazing run of ridiculous animal-related stories. We feel certain that a run of stories like this will likely not occur for the next 50 years, at least.
So sit back, pour yourself a rice beer, and enjoy the reading.
In an effort to take a break from our sports commentary, we decided to go with old fall-back of compiling a list. The list is our version of Vinny Testaverde, if you will.
Anyway, we present…
The Top 10 Most Quotable Movies
(10) Rain Man - Pretty much any line uttered by Dustin Hoffman in this movie will do, as long as you repeat it a few times. There’s Wapner, Qantas, or just the basic, “I’m an excellent driver.”
(9) Monty Python and the Holy Grail - This would be higher on the list, except that you definitely need a counterpart also familiar with the film to really pull it off. But on your own, there’s “I fart in your general direction” or “It’s only a flesh wound.”
(8) Tommy Boy - With this flick, you get two options. You can go with Farley’s lines - “Fat guy in a little coat” or “That’s gonna leave a mark.” Or try it out with Spade’s sarcasm - “Ah, M & M’s on in the dashbaord, that really ups the re-sell value.”
(7) Cool Hand Luke - Oddly enough, most of the great quotes come from characters other than Luke. There’s the always solid, “What we’ve got here is, failure to communicate…” But a really wide range of options come from: “If you [fill in the blank], you spend the night in the box.” Not to mention being able to ask permission for all activities, beginning and ending the request with “Boss.”
(6) Full Metal Jacket - Memorize everything said by Sgt. Hartman in the first 45 minutes. It’s just that easy, way too much to choose from. A quick one that can work in any situation: “Sir what? Were you about to call me an asshole?”
(5) Old School - With a variety of main characters, this movie provides many options. Some of our favorites include: “Denver, the Sunshine State, gorgeous” or “You’re my boy, Blue.” And of course, any reference to Home Depot or Bed, Bath, and Beyond has the appropriate quote tailor-made.
(4) Pulp Fiction - While we would advise staying away from the over-used “going medieval” quote, there’s a lot to be used form this film. Try out, “This is a tasty burger,” or “I’m Superfly TNT, the Guns of the Naverone.” Then there’s the always subtle, “Zed’’s dead, baby, Zed’s dead.”
(3) Office Space - You have to be careful when quoting this movie. But, if done correctly, you can really create some nice moments. Any reference to a stapler or TPS reports should always go over well. If you want to be more adventurous, you can suggest that someone might have a case of the Mondays. And you have the perfect answer to the question, “What would you do with a million dollars?”
(2) The Big Lebowski - Where to begin? This movie has plenty to work with. You can try out “That rug really tied the room together” as a comment for just about any situation. You are provided with about 10 different ways to refer to a White Russian cocktail. Also, any piece of dialog from John Goodman’s character is golden. “Donny, you’re out of your element.”
(1) A Few Good Men - We have neither the time nor the space on this blog to explain all the great quotes that can retrieved from this movie. You need to watch it, then watch again, then maybe one more time. Every line in this movie (other than the one involving the phrase “galactically stupid”) is a top of the line quote for almost any situation. And it’s a bonus if you make good use of the terrific lines spouted off by characters other than Jessup.
Are we clear?