Kim Bauer = Carmen Electra.  From about 1996 - 2005, Carmen Electra was the safety net.  If Maxim or FHM or Stuff could not find anyone to put on the cover of the magazine, they went to Electra.  She was a safe bet - always nice looking, a little on the skanky side, and no one ever got annoyed that she was on the cover of a magazine.  But then again, you also did not do a double-take as you walked by.  It was Electra, she was always on the covers.  If Alyssa Milano dropped out, they would say, “It’s OK, we can call Carmen Electra!”

Kim Bauer is 24’s Carmen Electra.  The writers can’t figure out a way to put Jack in a precarious situation.  What we do???  Hey, let’s have Kim get kidnapped or at least threatened to be harmed.  Now Jack’s back is against the wall - yes!  We can’t figure out a plot to make it through the last 4 episodes - hey, what if we put Kim Bauer in a scenario where she might be maimed?  Done!

But you know,  we did not cancel our subscription toMaxim just because they had the same hot girl on the cover every other month.  And likewise, we keep watching 24.  If it works, we guess - it works.

While you are all well aware of the plaque in honor of Tim Tebow’s speech displayed proudly at Florida Field, but apparently another plaque went up recently to honor another Florida legend.

Sitting just to the right of his “award” for second all-time in career passing attempts at Florida, Shane Matthews earlier this week posted a plaque memorializing his own speech regarding the Ole Mis-Florida game of 2008.  It reads: “When I watched the Ole Miss game and Ole Miss played our wide receivers about 90 percent man-to-man, it was a slap in the face to our wide receivers and passing game. I can’t understand why we didn’t take advantage of that.  —Shane Matthews, 9/29/09″

Matthews says this plaque will help ease his mind as he watches Gator games on television since Urban Meyer will no longer allow him anywhere near campus.

***Matthews would also like to personally thank Roy’s Trophy Shoppe on East 1st Ave. for the wonderful work they did/have done over the past 15 years.

We have been doing some reading about this Denver-Dallas playoff series, and we’re just not sure what the fuss is all about.  We just read this column highlighting the apparent feud between Mavs owner Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin (plus his family).  Yes, the Kenyon Martin who has a tattoo of lips on his neck.

Apparently, Cuban said something to Martin’s mother after Game 3 of the series regarding Kenyon being a thug.  They took offense.  Our question: How is that comment to Martin’s mother any different than if Cuban had yelled to Pau Gasol’s mom, “You son has a beard!”?

Would Gasol’s mother have been up in arms?

Another Matthew Dukes production.  This time it’s topical.