Sports Illustrated used to (and might still) run a blurb entitled “This Week’s Sign of the Apocalypse.”  We’re not sure if this would qualify for that sign, but the world has seemingly turned upside down.  Well, maybe not the entire world, but perhaps the college football world.  It hit us earlier today that the usual dregs of college football have gotten off to remarkable starts.

We checked the numbers from last season.  Duke, Minnesota, Vanderbilt, and UNLV combined to go 9-39 for the year.  In just 4 weeks this season, these teams have tallied more wins that all of last season.  The teams in their 2008 campaigns are a combined 13-2 right now.  Nine wins last season, and already 13!

– Duke is 2-1 with its first win over a 1-A team in like 8 years and only a close, 4-point loss to Northwestern.

– Minnesota is 4-0 and atop the Big 10.

– UNLV is 3-1 with a win at Arizona State and its only loss at Utah.

– And Vanderbilt is freakin’ ranked!!!

If you had to set the over/under for these teams combined wins on the season, we’re guessing it would have been about 11.  Now, they all have reasonable shots at being bowl eligible.  Yes, even Duke (they get Virginia and NC State at home) - maybe “reasonable” is a bit of a stretch.  Nonetheless, still a crazy start for these teams.

And in case anyone is keeping tabs, BYU is tied for the lead in the Pac-10 with a 2-0 conference record.

While we know we’re supposed to complain on this site, sometimes a writer impresses us enough to give him the ol’ tip of the cap.  Usually it’s Dan Wetzel.  But this time around, it’s Minneapolis Star Tribune writer Jim Souhan.

In the press conference following the game, Minnesota Vikings’ coach Brad Childress made the following statement: “We talked about George Orwell and the field full of diamonds.  That the diamonds were right here in the room, a guy didn’t have to sell his farm and go to a foreign land to look for diamonds when they were right there in the stream in his back yard.  It took George Orwell to write that. I’m sure you could look that up.”

And guess what Souhan did?  He took a journey that very few journalists these days take - he actually researched the quote.   Then discovered that Childress was full of crap.  (Souhan did not spend as much time as we would have trying to figure out what the hell that quote means to a football team anyway.)

Great work, Jim Souhan.  Not only did you take that extra step that sports writers often neglect, but you were paid off getting to0 call out Childress for lying his butt off.

We recommend clicking here to read the entirety of what Souhan had to say.  Good stuff!

One of the things we learned on Sunday at the Ryder Cup is that to be a member of Team USA, you have to either date or be married to a tiny blonde.  We assume it was a scenario similar to trying to get into one of those night clubs where it’s determined based on your appearance.  If you showed up to meet captain Paul Azinger with a tall brunette on your arm - next!  But if you showed with the tiny blonde as required - on the team.

This really hit us when they showed the crowd celbration after Jim Furyk clinched his match for the Cup win.  What we saw was a few of the American golfers surrounded by a sea of blondes, with everyone just hugging.  We’re not sure if each golfer didn’t care if it was actually his wife, or if he just wasn’t sure.

One thing we did hear is that Phil Mickelson made it halfway through dinner that night before realizing he was with Justin Leonard’s wife and not his own.

Is that Toby Keith at the Ryder Cup???

So, we came across this awesome story this morning about a woman in Green Bay essentially stealing her daughter’s identity and going back to high school (even making the cheerleading squad).  We could not settle on the best CIV angle for a post.  So, we’re giving you all 3.  Feel free to chime in with which one you like best (and yes, I’m talking to you JC and Vinnie).

(1) This is the real life version of Never Been Kissed meets Strangers With Candy.   The only thing up in the air is who will play Ms. Brown in the Lifetime movie - Traci Lords or Tori Spelling?

(2) Inspired by watching Gabrielle Carteris (age 29) play a high schooler on “Beverly Hills 90210,” Wendy Brown (age 33) managed to enroll in high school by stealing her identify. Fortunately for her daughter, Ms. Brown’s plot was foiled before anything else of her daughter’s was seemingly “stolen.”

(3) The popular magazine Cheerleading Monthly recently ranked every high school cheerleading squad in the country. Guess who came in last? Yep, Ashwaubenon High School from Green Bay, WI.  According to the magazine, they have the most worn out looking bunch in all of the United States, even stooping so low as to have their lopsided pyramid topped off by a 15 year-old who looks like a 33 year-old meth addict.

Any more ideas are welcomed!

We just came across this story about Wisconsin linebacker Jonathon Casillas being charged with a DUI on his mo-ped last month.  Casillas was cited for: first-offense drunken driving, driving with a prohibited alcohol concentration, and driving with two persons on a mo-ped.

We can only assume that the officer must have realized Casillas was over 21 years old because he was not cited for underage drinking, but — luckily for Castillas — the officer failed to issue the citation for riding a mo-ped over 16 years of age.  The latter crime is usually punishable by no less than two years of shame.

In browsing the college football section on ESPN.com, we came across this short blurb from Heather Dinich…

“Duke injury report: Eron Riley ‘probable’

September 11, 2008 4:12 PM

Posted by ESPN.com’s Heather Dinich

Duke’s injury report just came in, and the fact that star wide receiver Eron Riley is listed as “probable” is a good sign for the Blue Devils. He had six catches for four touchdowns and 235 yards in last year’s 46-43 loss to Navy.

Here’s the full report:

RB Re’quan Boyette (leg) — OUT
C Marcus Lind (shoulder) — OUT
RB Tony Jackson (leg) — PROBABLE
WR Eron Riley (leg) — PROBABLE
WR Donovan Varner (leg) — WILL PLAY”

Though addressing any issue concerning the Duke football program on ESPN.com is the epitome of generous, we at CIV feel Ms. Dinich left off one key aspect concerning the Duke team’s report:

Entire team (skill level) — QUESTIONABLE

From our pal, Kevin, a huge Cubs fan.  This is copied and pasted directly from the email he sent:

A Lilly Train leaves third base at 8:15 p.m. EST traveling directly toward home.  If the train will be tagged out anyway, what is the appropriate course of action?

Lilly (with momentum) > Molina