At least that’s Elizabeth Hurley’s story.

In a London Times interview highlighted in this article, the (quite attractive) “actress” is quoted as saying: “Shooting bikinis is now my life, which, as you can imagine, is unmitigated hell.” Ms. Hurley went on to state: “I can’t think of anything worse in the world than another bikini shoot — and I’ve got two next month. It’s unbearable, and I bring it all on myself. I’ve got nobody else to blame. It’s literally torture. If you get a photographer you don’t know, of course, you think, ‘Oh God.’ But if you signed on for the gig, sadly, you have to go and be jolly in a skimpy white bikini. So I now rely on nice photographers, and a bit of retouching.” (We added the italics for our favorite segment.)

Now, the only question is… where do we start ripping into Liz? Is it the fact that “shooting bikinis is now [her] life,” or that she describes that life as “unmitigated hell?” Is it the asinine statement that she cannot fathom “anything worse in the world than another bikini shoot?” Or her bemoaning of the two, that’s right TWO, workdays she apparently has to endure next month (this extrapolation based upon her statements that (1) bikini shoots are her life and (2) that she has only two of them next month)? Maybe it’s just the fact that she “bring[s] it all on [herself]” or that she has “nobody else to blame?” Or it could be that bikini modeling is “literally torture”? (On an aside, as Ted from “How I Met Your Mother” would likely point out, the correct term is “figuratively”?)

As best we can analogize, reading her interview is like hearing a person who just won a $100 million lottery complain about having to drive to the bank each month to deposit the winnings dispersement check.

It’s interesting to us, though, how it’s tough for her to even think of anything worse seeing as these are some of the headlines we came across before getting to Hurley’s article: (1) 15 year-old girl has huge tumor removed, (2) four killed in Iraqi car bomb, (3) poisonous spiders overrun a hospital. And amazingly, she can’t think of anything worse than a bikini shoot.

However… we here at CIV do appreciate like hot chicks, so we can forgive a few stupid statements. But, as individuals forced to work, believe it or not, at least FIVE days a WEEK, we find it difficult to sympathize with any woman crying about her horrible schedule of two work days a month. Rough life sweetie—how can we assuage your pain?? “Unmitigated hell?” Are you serious? If you can’t think of something worse than a bikini shoot, then you have larger problems Elizabeth—like your brain may have fallen out of your head.

But, Liz, you did inspire us just a bit. After contemplating your idea of unmitigated hell (which, is there really a worse scenario than just “hell”?), we came up with 3 things worse than having to do a bikini shoot…

(1) Finding out your husband got busted by the cops with a skanky, mannish-looking prostitute named Divine Brown;

(2) Only being able to find a modeling job with this company;

and of course…

(3) Being forced to watch all 93 minutes of the awful movie “Bedazzled.”